This week's episode opens with Brittany eagerly offering to be the campaign advisor of Kurt's bid for student body president. It seems as though she has been admiring him from afar since last year; She fancies him the school's biggest unicorn because he "knows he's special and isn't afraid to show it," much like unicorns do before their horns fall off and they turn into zebras. Kurt seems genuinely flattered and excited, albeit a little confused, until he sees the posters she designed for him and realizes that she literally thinks she is campaigning for a unicorn. He asks her not to hang them, but she does anyway and he fires her. Santana reassures her that she is the real unicorn, and convinces her to herself run for class president.
Hummel v. Pierce, '11 - it's on.
In the choir room, Mr. Schuester's ego is still bruised by their loss in New York last year, which really means that he's still sour over the guy who replaced him in April Rhodes' musical winning a Tony Award (lest you forget), so he is instituting a Mandatory Glee Club Boot Camp. He is kind enough to single out Finn, Puck, "Hummel" and "Jones" as the New Directions' biggest offenders, as if anybody actually cares what he thinks. Since he will be coaching Boot Camp, he hires Emma and Coach Bieste to co-direct the school musical, and Rachel reacts accordingly until he asks Artie on the spot to also come on as a student director. After being reassured by Tina (cool that they're still friends, btw), Artie accepts and even Puckerman looks happy for him. This is good, I miss Artie. I'll be glad to see him involved in a storyline that doesn't feature his paralysis as a focal point. No imaginary dancing or... football playing.
Blaine feigns humility and asks Mr. Schuester if he can also attend Boot Camp, where he and Kurt realize that they both have their eye on the role of Tony in West Side Story, and it suddenly occurs to Kurt that Blaine would be "perfect" as Tony. After his audition, Kurt goes out of his way to hide in the bushes outside the directors' meeting only to have his greatest fear confirmed - they find him a bit too "delicate" for the character. Could that possibly be because he auditioned with a song from Funny Girl? I guess not, because he gets Rachel to help him audition again with a scene from Romeo & Juliet. All three directors openly laugh at him the entire time and eventually Rachel joins in. I don't blame Kurt for running offstage; that was mega-rude and I honestly couldn't figure out what on Earth was so funny.
Blaine auditions as well, but only for supporting characters because he is just the most selfless li'l plastic boyfriend ever. Kurt watches in horror from the rafters as Artie then asks him to read for Tony anyway. Aaagh, if the writers were going to take them down the competition route regardless, they should have kept Blaine at Dalton Academy.
Sue is able to convince goodish-girl-gone-bad Quinn to be the poster child for her anti-Arts Education congressional campaign, because I think Quinn forgets that Sue was the one who talked her into joining New Directions in the first place. She arranges for Quinn to march into Mr. Schuester's office unannounced and accuse him and his stupid club of ruining her life, but he catches everyone everywhere off guard by getting in her face and retorting, “Since day one, you have done nothing but sabotage the same glee club that has been there for you over and over again. When you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out… Mercedes even let you live at her house, and I don’t remember ever hearing so much as a thank you.”
BOOYAH. I still can't stand him, but damn if that wasn't the closest I've ever come to actually siding with Mr. Schuester on something. I don't even really carry any grudges against Quinn, but he does raise at least five valid points there. In her defense however, she very well may have expressed gratitude at any point while she was actually at Mercedes' house, because we experienced none of that. We have literally no idea what that storyline was like, and then it was just over. That is something I do carry a grudge for, even if I'm only remembering it now.
Also, since when does Mr. Schuester have his own office?
After a tone-deaf girl named Sugar Motta was denied New Directions membership last week (a plotline I didn't bother to mention in my recap), she had her father track down former Vocal Adrenaline coach Shelby Corcoran in New York and bring her back to Lima to start a second glee club at McKinley. Like any of this would ever actually happen. Shelby assures Mr. Schuester, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna poach any of your kids."
Yeah, right. I haven't a clue as to how the writers intend us to feel towards Shelby, but am I the only person who finds her to be a raging narcissist? Quinn and Puck gave their child up for adoption over a year ago, and even if they regret it now, they had completely legitimate reasons for doing so. Her decision to take a teaching position at the very high school attended by the biological parents of her adopted daughter is completely insensitive. She makes it even worse by going out of her way to track them both down and dangle the possibility of getting to be a part of Drizzle's life in their faces, but only if and when they change the things about themselves that she doesn't approve of. The worst part is how truly proud she seems of what she's doing, as if they should be so lucky to have her. I never had a strong opinion either way about Shelby when we first met her in Season One (mostly because she's never made much sense to me, yet she's weirdly entangled in like three different storylines on this show), but I'm gonna villainize her this time around. Cool?
The episode ends with Quinn dying her hair back to blonde (yet another reason to resent Shelby) and rejoining New Directions. She has a plan, though; she'll play by Shelby's rules only until she devises a plan to gain back full custody of Drizzle. She is still pink-haired in spirit. I say Shelby brought this on herself.
Coming up next week... Rachel and Mercedes face off for the lead role in the school musical, or as Puck sees it, "Screw West Side Story, this is Clash of the Titans!"
Musical Performances
"Somewhere"
Performed by Rachel & Shelby
It was pretty, but Shelby is treating Rachel with the same condescending respect as Quinn. Telling her that they can't have a mother-daughter relationship, and then forcing a mother-daughter bonding moment by crashing Rachel's rehearsal? Why can't this woman leave well enough alone? It was not the heart-warming experience they tried to convince me it was.
"I'm the Greatest Star"
Performed by Kurt
Great song, nonsensical song choice for that particular audition.
"Something's Coming"
Performed by Blaine
I think Blaine might be a dream. No, not the Katy Perry sort. I am largely unconvinced that he is an actual person. Even a fictional one.
Leftover Observations
- Finn was the best dancer in this episode, woohoo!!
- I liked that the only three musical numbers were all directly integral to the plot.
- Badass Moment of the Night: Sue catching Mr. Schuester's apple in mid-air like it was no biggie.
- Somewhat surprisingly, I think that Puck would actually make a good father.
- Those slow-motion shots of Mr. Schuester and Mike Chang dancing were awkward and in slow-motion... and therefore awkward.
- Sue tells Quinn, "You've never looked worse," which is the biggest bluff ever. She looked fantastic.
Rachel - "Mr. Schue, I'm honored, but Barbra was 40 when she directed herself in Yentl, so it's just too soon."
Brittany - "I hate you."
Brittany - "Besides, I'm also a unicorn. Maybe a bicorn."
Coach Bieste - "Isn't that a Streisand song?"
Kurt - "Yes, and I know what you're thinking, but I got written permission from the woman herself - Miss Rachel Berry."
Burt - "Dude, you're gay."
Kurt - "Excuse me?"
Highlight of the Night
Teacher - "What is the capital of Ohio?"
Brittany - "O."
Gleek of the Week - Brittany S. Pierce, for your consideration.
